modern definition........

SCHOOL : A place where Papa pays and Son plays.



LIFE INSURANCE : A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.



NURSE: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.



CIGARETTE : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.



LOVE AFFAIRS : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.



MARRIAGE : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master



DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage



LECTURE: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.



CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



COMPROMISE : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by

feminine waterpower.. .



DICTIONARY : A place where divorce comes before marriage.



CONFERENCE ROOM : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.



ECSTASY: A feeling when you feTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.



CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but do not read.



SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.



ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



EXPERIENCE : The name men give to their mistakes.



ATOM BOMB : An invention to end all inventions.



PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.



OPPORTUNIST : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.



PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY



MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



FATHER: A banker provided by nature.



CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.



BOSS: ou are late and late when you are early.



POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.



DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.



ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.



BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.



CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.



CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.



COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.



DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out.



EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.



GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.



HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.



INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.



MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.



RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.



SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.



TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.



TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saviof the greatest labour saving devices of today.



YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.



WRINKLES : Something other people have. You have character lines.