CELEBRITY BITCHING

"Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little."
- Anonymous screen test about Fred Astaire

"A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein but with the attention span of Daffy Duck."
- Tom Shales talking about Robin Williams

"When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in."
- Bob Hope talking about Jack Benny

"Martin's acting is so inept that even his impersonation of a lush seems unconvincing."
- Harry Medved on Dean Martin

"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
- Joan Rivers

"He moves like a parody between a majorette girl and Fred Astaire."
- Truman Capote on Mick Jagger

"Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper."
- Rex Reed talking about Marlon Brando

"Spielberg isn't a filmmaker, he's a confectioner."
- Alex Cox on Steven Spielberg

"What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?"
- Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

"If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog."
- Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

"She is closer to organized prostitution than anything else."
- Former singer with the Smiths, Morrissey talking about Madonna

"It's like kissing Hitler."
- Tony Curtis talking about Marilyn Monroe

"She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short."
- Clive James also talking about Marilyn Monroe

"I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an Arctic region covered with ice."
- Steve Martin

"A plumber's idea of cleopatra."
- W. C. Fields talking about Mae West

"I couldn't stand Janis Joplin's voice. . .She was just a screaming little loudmouthed chick."
- Arthur Lee on Janis Joplin

"A hack writer who would have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tried out a few of the old proven 'sure-fire' literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy."
- William Faulkner on Mark Twain